


First Crush

by aivi_rose



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 18:26:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18016058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aivi_rose/pseuds/aivi_rose
Summary: Inspired by the 3.13 angst (because what isn't nowadays), I wrote this instead of doing my homework. I think this was a much more worthy pursuit :)Cyrus finally decides to confront TJ after what happened on costume day. But what TJ tells him is not at all what he expects.yeah it gay





	First Crush

“Do you remember your first crush?”

Cyrus looked up at Tj, a bit taken aback. After almost a week of avoiding TJ, Cyrus finally decided to show up at the swing sets. He figured that’s where the jock would be, and had Andi and Buffy both confirm that he was waiting there every day after school let out. Cyrus finally decided to face him today, and those were the words TJ chose to say first.

Why would TJ be asking him this?

“I-uh, yeah, actually. It was pretty recently. I mean of course I had little crushes in elementary school, or at least I thought they were crushes back then. I don’t really remember any of them. They were gone after like a day. I only had my first real crush last year,” Cyrus said anxiously, looking at the ground.

“But you know what it feels like, right? Because—“ TJ stopped midsentence, wringing his hands in his lap. 

Cyrus sighed. He knew where this was headed. “You can tell me, TJ. I won’t be mad at you if you like Kira.”

“I don’t like Kira, first of all. And aren’t you already mad at me?”

“I am, but that’s just because you didn’t tell me,” Cyrus said, now turned toward TJ. "I spent three hours going through everything in my house trying to figure out how I could possibly dress up as SALT. It was supposed to be our thing. You didn’t even text me to say you changed your mind.” Suddenly Cyrus was grateful he waited so long to talk to TJ. If there was any less distance between them, his voice would’ve cracked.

Instead, it was TJ’s voice that started to shift. 

“I am so sorry, Cyrus. I wanted to tell you. I didn’t know what to say or how to say anything at all.”

Cyrus remained silent.

“Look, I know that sorry will never cut it. I came here to tell you why I had to do it,” TJ said, breaking his eyes away from Cyrus and turning outwards. His hands wrapped tighter around the chains of the swings, white knuckles outlining his grip.

“Had to?” Cyrus asked, starting to feel slightly worried.

TJ took a deep breath in; it came out choked. He took another breath, this time a bit quicker. “Your first crush. You remember how that felt. I forgot about my first crush for so many years. I actually did have a real crush, when I was in third grade,” TJ said, much quieter now. Cyrus stayed silent, still confused about what this had to do with costume day.

“My first crush . . . was a boy.”

Cyrus held his breath. Was this really true? Was this happening, right here, right now? 

TJ looked over at Cyrus, and noticed his stance had changed. His fingernails were digging into his palms around the swing chains, chest not moving. 

After a moment of silence, TJ continued. “I didn’t tell anyone. But on a field trip to the museum, we saw two men holding hands in one of the exhibits. Some of the kids in my class were staring, so the teacher shooed us into the next room. I don’t know if that’s because she thought it would somehow taint us, or if she thought we were actually the ones about to mock them. But the whole scenario felt wrong. So I buried it.”

Cyrus looked up at TJ now. His eyes were watery, but the tough jock was trying hard not to cry. 

“Thank you,” Cyrus said.

“What?” TJ exclaimed.

“Thank you. For telling me. I am so proud of you,” Cyrus said, letting his own smile peek through.

“I—I was really hoping you would say something like that. That you would okay with it. I mean this doesn’t change the fact that I still stood you up on costume day, and I’m a phenomenal jackass.”

“You don’t need my approval to be who you are, TJ,” Cyrus said. “But, what does this have to do with costume day?”

TJ turned away again. “Kira found out,” TJ said, “or at least she acted like she did. And since Buffy kicked her off the girls basketball team, she wants to join the boys. I guess she thought she could cozy up to me during costume day, so I would let her try out. When that didn’t work, she basically acted like she would tell everyone about me.”

“What did she say?”

“She didn’t say it directly. But when I told her we were doing a costume, she pointed out how weird it was that I wanted to do a costume with a boy rather than a girl, like her.”

Cyrus caught his breath again. Kira saw the two of them, together, and could tell that TJ was gay? If it was that obvious, how could he have missed it all this time? Maybe Cyrus was the one who was actually sending those signals, and TJ just got caught up in it all by sheer coincidence. Cyrus hadn’t even realized that he was sending signals at all. But just like he knew he had a crush on Jonah after he got together with Andi, Cyrus finally identified his feelings when he saw TJ and Kira in that awful costume. Cyrus was in love with Scary Basketball Guy.

And right now, it all felt pretty shitty.

“I am so, so sorry, Teej. You didn’t deserve that. Whether Kira knows it or not, that was cruel,” Cyrus said.

Something about those words gave TJ energy. He suddenly started swinging, quickly. As his swing went higher and higher, it became more aggressive. 

“You know something? After all those years of burying my sexuality, I only remembered it a few months ago. My older cousin was visiting our family, and she came out to me as bisexual. She likes girls and boys. All this time, and that was the first time I understood it was okay to be gay. I didn’t realize that I was gay again until weeks after she left, so I never got the chance to say it to her. I was going to wait until my birthday, when her family comes over next.” TJ’s swing flew higher and higher. “But then all this shit with Kira happened. And the worst part is, I still have to let her on the team. Because if the school finds out the scary basketball captain is gay, I’ll be a laughing stock.”

TJ jumps off the swing, now about ten feet up into the air. Yet, he somehow lands flawlessly. If it any other situation, Cyrus would’ve given him a standing ovation. Now, he was just sitting on the swing, completely still.

“TJ,” Cyrus began, “I wish I could tell you that things were different. But I don’t know how the future will pan out.” Now Cyrus finally took a deep breath. “All I know is we’ll get through it.”

“We?”

“Surprise. I’m gay too,” Cyrus said, his voice a bit lighter now. “Honestly, I don’t know how nobody has figured it out yet. I’m a disaster.”

“So nobody knows?” TJ asked.

“Sorry, bad phrasing. I told Buffy, Andi, and Jonah. All pretty recently. And Jonah was actually the first crush.” Cyrus’s eyes widened as soon as he heard himself. "Just don’t tell him that.”

“Oh,” TJ said, somewhat disappointed. Then he caught himself. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Am I your first?” Cyrus asked.

“First crush, oh no. But you are the first person I’ve told this to,” TJ said.

“Wait . . . I know I’m not your first crush. You said your first crush was in third grade,” Cyrus said slyly. He stood there looking at TJ for a moment, who finally realized what he just admitted.

“No—no, that’s not what I meant to say. You know what I meant,” TJ said hurriedly. Even if Cyrus was gay, there’s no way he could admit his feelings just yet. Or ever. “You’re my best friend."

Cyrus heard those words, and he wanted to be upset. But his gut instinct was telling him there was something more. It’s now or never, he thought.

“Teej, you’re my best friend too. But did you notice how quickly that happened? You were just this Scary Basketball Guy that I only knew because Buffy wanted to join your team.” Cyrus paused a moment, trying to read TJ’s face. No luck.

Cyrus continued, “I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary at first. But I feel a stronger connection with you than anyone else, not even Andi or Buffy.” He paused again. "I think I like you.”

Silence passed between them for what feels like forever. But suddenly a young girl, probably four or five, ran up to the swing-set and climbed on. Her mother walked towards them as well, wheeling a stroller with another child in it. Cyrus and TJ smiled at the mother, and TJ gave the little girl a few pushes on the swings before they walked off. After a minute, they were far away enough that her giggles no longer cut through the tension.

Neither of them talked for a few moments. Their footsteps sounded especially loud against the sidewalk, echoing through their thoughts. Cyrus wondered if he made the wrong decision by telling TJ that he liked him. Oh well, he thought, feeling beaten after the week he’s had. I’ve already spent enough of my tears on this boy, what’s a few more?

Suddenly, TJ spoke up. 

“I know I said I would never be able to apologize for costume day. But—“

“TJ, please don’t worry about it. I’m way past that by now.”

“I know. But I still have to make it up to you. There’s a bakery a few blocks down from here. Interested in a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin?” TJ asked, now sounding oddly nonchalant.

No matter what his friendship with TJ would turn out to be after this, there was no way Cyrus was going to pass up a free muffin. “I’ll take you up on that offer,” he said.

“Great,” TJ said, smiling, “it’s a date.”

Cyrus stopped dead in his tracks. “A what now??”

TJ turned back at him, his goofy smile turning into a laugh. “You heard me,” he said, sliding his fingers in between Cyrus’s. “It’s about time we had our first date.”

Cyrus squeezed TJ’s hand, surprised at how nicely it fit into his. As they began to walk towards the bakery, Cyrus felt at peace. The birds started to chirp around them, and the sun seemed to shine just a bit brighter. Cyrus knew he had something sweet coming to him—and it wasn’t the chocolate-chocolate chip muffin.


End file.
